Life is too short, you should know this.
There are times like tonight where I would miss my mother terribly. Not out of feelings to escape a conflict with my father, but out of a feeling to feel her loving motherly touch. It reduces me to tears when I often think of standing over her coffin and feeling guilty that I could’ve spent more time with her. “I took advantage of the existence of my own fucking mother and now she’s gone and never coming back. I fucked up big time in this life, not going the extra mile to see my mother”… but this shows how much I love her in comparison to the other heartless shit eaters in my family. Sure we had our hefty share of episodes, but that’s love, and that’s family. Love in the family needs to be unconditional.
Efforts should be made by me, while efforts should’ve been made by her.
I’m her fucking son. Her own flesh and blood, why did she have to live in another county? Am I important to be cared for like a regular son on a weekly basis? I miss her terribly god damn it. Boyfriend, after boyfriend, after boyfriend, fuck them all. I want my fucking mother back. She’s the closest thing I have to the origin of my short life, I want to tell her how much I appreciate all she has done for me.
Dad had his share, I just need an even ground.
